this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
