I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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