I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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