goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
