When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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