Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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