so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I had to cum in my sink.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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