did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
