Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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