dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
