I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
