you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
