did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
