just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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