It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
