Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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