i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
