so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
