Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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