I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
