I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
