Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I need a hoe opinion
go on
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
