I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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