dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
