i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
