operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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