her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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