He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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