I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
