I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
