They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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