The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize