There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
