Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
