I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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