I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
