bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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