just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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