i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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