it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
