So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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