The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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