Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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