You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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