We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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