one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
