That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
