he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
