The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't turn off my feet"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
