Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
