my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
