do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
