I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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