i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
