I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
