This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
