If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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