I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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