mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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