sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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