just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
