I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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