well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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