You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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