Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this must be what syphilis tastes like
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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