I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
